To Aysha: Growing

 Email to Aysha, October 23, 2023:

Tonight our youth participated in the Worldwide Day of Testimony for Youth. It was really a wonderful meeting. The Spirit was so strong. I was so very, very grateful to be our Young Women president tonight, and to get to develop relationships with these amazing Young Women. What a joy and blessing!!

I was thinking about you a lot today, especially during the testimony meeting. Each time someone would say they were scared to bear their testimony, I wanted to say, "Aysha was scared to bear her testimony, but she did it every single month!" When Michael White talked about his friends who were leaving for missions and how it inspired him, I wanted to say, "Missions are awesome!! You will learn so much - it will be the best experience ever!"

I've been thinking about your essay on your "dumb-butt mission"   I laugh every time I think about that or say it.  

I've been thinking about all of the blessings that I've seen over the past year. I made a list last week of ways that I have seen you grow on your mission:

The most noticeable and wonderful blessing I've seen is your joy in attending the temple -- enjoying and feeling worthy to go to the temple, and developing a deeper understanding of and gratitude for temple blessings.

I've seen you develop a better understanding of your value as a child and servant of God. You have a better understanding of your effect on others, especially the joy that others can feel around you. You have developed more confidence in and care about your effect on others.  

You've had the chance to observe all kinds of leaders and leadership styles, and their effects on groups and people. That's really cool to me, because I am fascinated by leaders and different styles of leadership. Each group of people in an organization has its own culture and feel and unique experience.

I am so grateful for your experience of studying and learning about God's view of marriage and family - about the amazing joy that you can have in your life in a marriage relationship some day. One of the greatest miracles I've seen on your mission is seeing you feeling excited about marriage in your future for a season. When I was young, I always had a crush. I was always imagining conversations with him and dreaming about being together, and excited to dress up for him when I saw him in person and wonder if he noticed me (like Valancy Stirling, my crushes changed frequently  - some real, some not, some celebrity crushes, but I always had someone to dream about). That gave me so much joy and hope to look forward to growing up, all while knowing that I would not meet my future husband for real until I was in college.  I am very, very grateful for your "space for joy" and dreams.  I hope that you keep dreaming, because reality is even better!! 💜💕 And reality is a sure promise from God! There will be someone wonderful some day!!

I am also very grateful and happy to see you creating life-long, deep friendships. You seem to be developing a better understanding of what kind of friendships you really enjoy and find mutual understanding and enjoyment in, which kind of relationships are good working relationships, and which kind of relationships are just very strained and difficult because it's not a good match of personalities and strengths and weaknesses. What a great blessing and beneficial skill!

I can see that you are beginning to recognize and distinguish different aspects and attributes of yourself and how they influence your relationships and interactions with others.  Before you left, you just hated people -- all people -- generally, indiscriminately.  Now you are starting to identify specific things that you like and don't like about people in general and also specifically. You can see how incredibly emotionally draining and stressful it is to be with someone else all day every day - you thrive on having space to be alone and think. It is frustrating and discouraging when you invest time and effort and emotion into an invesigator's progress, and he or she doesn't care or value your investment and the marvelous purpose behind it. When you are angry and frustrated, you feel better when someone else is grumpy and frustrated, too, so you feel validated, seen, and not alone. Some people are harder to get along with and work for and with, because they affect your sense of guilt and obligation. Some people are more fun and enjoyable to be with and work with, because you feel emotionally safe with them, you know they can handle your intensity and won't be scared off by it, and they bring a positive energy and a sense that everything is okay that you need to function and keep going.

You have come to better recognize and appreciate the specific benefits of different activities: Movies for emotional release and downtime for your intense brain and thoughts. Quilting for a sense of purpose and accomplishment and the ability to create order and beauty and function.  Puzzles for calm and regulatation.  Family history for a sense of belonging and understanding. Ranting at or teasing elders for release of inner conflict over cognitive dissonance, guilt, fears, and frustrations.

You've learned the difference between discomfort over an unfamiliar activity, like playing basketball, and a desire to just stay home vs. real inspiration to avoid a situation because it's dangerous.

You've begun to recognize things that bring you joy - the chaos of families, small children, and a congregation struggling to sing together.

You have developed a deeper trust in God and His inspiration and guidance in your life. You have seen evidence of the blessings of following inspiration, even if it's not what you think you want.

You are beginning to feel the joy of just experiencing things. Before we came to earth, we wanted so badly to be able to have experiences. That is such a powerful blessing!!

You have learned your power to write things that make people laugh and feel delight, even when you are feeling frustrated and negative.

I hope you have come to better understand and feel the love and delight that we, your family, feel when we get to communicate with you, and how you are missed and have your own irreplaceable space in our home and family.

Your mission has also blessed our family in so many ways! As you are growing on your mission, our family is growing in closeness to God and to each other here. We are getting better at communicating and appreciating each other. The increase in the Spirit from your service is blessing all of us with an increase in love and support for each other.

Thank you for your hard work, service, love and joy!

I love you!!

Love,

Mom